A Penny for my thoughts......

I heard the story of Penny this week.  Penny is the sister in law of Professor Tony Attwood. see here  Penny has lived an amazing life full of adventure, humour, competence and now independence.  She has also lived a life of torment, misunderstanding, bullying, pain and the odd moment of strife.

Penny has Autism.  I am always fascinated to learn about the lives of adults with Autism and Aspergers as I am desperate to know what made the differences in their lives between being happy or miserable.  Of course I want to know the key differences so I can continue to help my boys achieve a life of happiness for themselves.  I've talked about this before but I'll mention it again now as Penny's story rekindled a spark of pain that I thought might be dulled permanently before I listened to Professor Attwood himself tell Penny's story at the conference I attended this week about Autism and Aspergers. see here for support if Autism affects you.

The pain I am referring to is the ache in my heart I wake up with every morning that increases some times and decreases to the point of being barely noticeable anymore other times.  It's quite intense at the moment.  The ache is throbbing and causing quite a sensation on my personal scale of pain right at this moment but I have been hanging out with this ache for quite some time now and the ache and I understand one another well enough to know that it's temporary and will fade away for a while again soon.

Why does my heart ache?  Oh you know, just the usual.....  My childrens lives are pretty much guaranteed to be fraught with difficulty and misunderstanding and possibly (although according to Prof Attwood, definitely NOT possibly) bullying.  It still hurts me that they will experience hardship because people do not understand them the way I do and that some people will not see the strengths, uniqueness and joy that I celebrate.  Like I said, just the usual.

So here I am, sitting in the much anticipated Tony Attwood conference expecting to be enlightened with the answers to keep my boys safe and free from all the concerns I've already considered over and over and over again.  I received no such enlightenment.  I did realise though that I was at an advantage as a mother in that room full of people hanging on Professor Attwood's every word that perhaps not everyone else in there was.  I looked around and saw the pain in other mum's eyes as he outlined the increased risk of certain bullying, increased risk of being prey to sexual, financial and other equally repugnant predators and the certainty that our children will feel unavoidable anxiety, exclusion and difficulty.  I realised that unlike many of the other mums in the room listening with the same pain I feel in my way too soft for my own good heart....... I realised that unlike some of them, I had already considered it.  I already knew simply by instinct not by books that my kids face these challenges.  I received no answers as to how to keep them completely, utterly and definitely safe from it but I did receive enlightenment on how to help them rise above it, move through it and become independent and mostly happy adults like Prof Attwood's sister in law, Penny who now lives independently and happily.

During a two day conference on all things Autism and Aspergers presented by Professor Tony Attwood who is widely considered to be a world expert on all things Autism and Aspergers I can reveal the moment I knew my boys will be ok and the most valuable piece of information in an information heavy two days.....  When the good professor came to the end of Penny's story and I was quietly wiping my tears as I listened, transfixed by her tale of triumph he touched on the reasons he believed (as a world expert on Autism and Aspergers) that Penny's story was indeed one of triumph...........  (and I quote) "Her mother's continued support, love and unconditional belief in Penny, freedom to be herself at home and a sense of humour (shared by her whole support network)."

My quiet few tears I was already dabbing at discreetly turned to freely flowing rivers of salty tears that I had trouble stopping as the relief that I felt to realise I already had the so called keys to success was absolutely overwhelming.  Anyone who reads this blog, knows me personally or even those who have commissioned me to write the special stories of their own special kids knows my unwavering support and belief in my boys and that of all of our kids of mystery, difference and indescribable inner beauty with souls of such purity it's humbling for the rest of us.  You all already know my passion to let my boys be who they are and the celebration of their differences our house is filled with daily.  Most of you would have already gleaned my family's life is viewed and lived  with a very healthy dose of humour entwined with a drunkenness of love for these awesome individuals I am lucky enough to share my unexpected life with.

Although Penny's story stirred up that pesky ache in my never quite healed heart, Penny's story also filled the same old dodgy ticker with hope and pride in not only my boys (all three of the quirky fellas I live with which includes the hubby) but pride in myself that regardless what any of the experts say in their often conflicting advice.....  Penny's most powerful "intervention" was the love and support of her mother.  Now this is a super power I already have.  My boys just may wind up ruling the world if their success relies mostly on my love and support of them.

Thank you to Penny for allowing Professor Attwood to share her story and give this loving and supportive mother the gift of hope and confidence.  I wanted to share the moment here so that all the other mothers out there like me could feel proud of themselves today too.  I'm privileged to be living this life with the support of each and every one of those mothers and they know who they are.  The support we give each other, helps us support our kids and helps ease those aches we all carry about in our hearts on the days it hurts just a bit too much.

More soon...  I promise but for now  must get on with the most important job I have.....  unconditionally supporting and loving my boys.

Strike!

I have had the most surreal few days of my life.  I've been toying with that whole sending positive thoughts out to the universe thing that is so popular these days and whilst I would normally ridicule such malarkey, something really feels like it's shifting in my world...  Actually our (my family's) world.

Much to my surprise I received a nomination for the Barnados Australian Mother of the Year Award http://www.bamya.com.au/html/ and I am not going to talk about that right now as it simply renders me speechless to think about someone taking the time to nominate me.  I am blown away, honoured and totally shocked but also truly grateful to my friend Belinda Stanton (who is a new mum and incredibly busy herself) for doing such a lovely thing for me.  I'll probably talk about it at some stage on here but for now I'm just taking the time to enjoy the feeling of appreciation and gratitude and keeping all those wonderful warm fuzzy feelings just for me and my family.....  That was huge news but what I'm writing about now came up because of another positive universe gift landing in my lap unexpectedly.

Yesterday I literally stumbled upon a fabulous business opportunity for My Special Story Books For Special Kids (will divulge more as it pans out) and I am now sitting in the middle of a BIG MESS in the lounge room with kids running wild and fingers flying across the keyboard (also wildly) putting together a proposal I need to be ready NOW....... I've practised the old saying of picking my battles wisely today and am not sweating the small stuff (by small I mean small people) and have had a day of relaxing the usual rules and schedules we tend to follow to keep order and calm around here for the boys to feel secure.

No schedules, planned activities, outings, extending skills through play, using every moment as a teaching opportunity or anything remotely like our usual day today.  Today has been about the basics like food preparation and avoiding injury or death (basically).  Everything else has been focused on this proposal.  Now  don't normally put work first but this proposal has the potential to change our financial and therefore life circumstances so by putting work first today, I was inadvertently putting my boys first. Today I bowed to the altar of the Television God and asked it to babysit my wild boys so I could just get a few things finished by deadline.....   TV did a pretty crappy job of the babysitting in honesty but it did provide a few moments for me to knuckle down and the rest of the day I simply chose to ignore the mess being made in the kitchen as the small people delightedly unpacked the Tupperware cupboard and arranged it in their own unique fashion around the rest of the house.  I ignored toy buckets being tipped out and galloped through, I ignored the usual scuffles and bickering between brothers who always think the others grass is greener in toy land.  I ignored A WHOLE LOT.  

I am very pleased to say though, I did not ignore my son when he asked me a really important question.  I listened to him and encourage all parents to really listen to their kids even when stressed and even when on whatever deadline you might be on during your day.

It might NOT be the same question you've been hearing on repeat all day, week, month about a packet of chips, a biscuit or whatever food item they NEED in any given moment over a day of grazing. They might actually be really asking you a question you want to answer... J and H (my kids) have huge issues with sharing anything including a moment in their games as they are on the Autism Spectrum as you would know if you follow this blog. Today I was multi tasking in the usual busy mum fashion, on hold on a phone call, reading an email on my laptop which was propped upon the kitchen bench and throwing something resembling morning tea together for the boys feeling totally overwhelmed, exasperated and stressed out.

J came to the kitchen door and asked this question: "Mummy, would you like to have a turn playing bowling on the Wii with me?"

I hung up the phone, walked away from the computer and said, "I would LOVE to have a turn playing bowling on the Wii with you." I was then thrashed by the Wii bowling champion of the world whilst his little brother and my favourite cuddle bunny in the world, H,  cheered enthusiastically from the sidelines of our lounge room shouting, "Strike, YAY STRIKE" for both J and I regardless of whether we scored a virtual Wii strike or threw a gutter ball.  It was a really nice moment.

Listen to your children. If I didn't listen in that moment I would have missed it and it was a wonderful one of sharing J and H's special world.